Seven years later

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Very dark picture of me featuring a tiny Namsan Tower in the background.

 Seven years after my first trip back to Korea, I'm living here. 


 At least, I'm dipping my toe into the water for now, as a Hamer scholar studying Korean at Yonsei University for a year. 

 In some ways I can't believe it's taken me so long to do this - it's something I've wanted to do for a long time but fear and life and other stuff got in the way...for about seven years. 


 This blog is a way for me to keep a diary of my experiences here, to keep family and friends back home updated, and to reflect on other adoption-related and perhaps Korean language study matters - hopefully in an open and honest way. I can't bear posting on Facebook but I'm hoping to write truthfully here...go figure/let's see how it goes 😅

 Moving has always been difficult for me, from the first traumatic move from Korea to Australia at the age of three, followed by a succession of international moves during my school years. With each move, I've experienced the pain of separation and the anxiety of the unknown. For the most part, I'd much prefer to be safe and comfortable, rather than go through the process of setting up a new life and making new friends (and navigating supermarkets in a different language with really expensive produce.)  

 This move was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. Yes, it's not permanent and I've visited here a bunch of times, and many other adoptees move here for various periods of time, but I found it so emotionally demanding...to take stock of what I was leaving behind, yet knowing that this was something I needed to do, perhaps selfishly, now or probably never. 

 I also realised that over the years, a small but enriching group of people had woven themselves into my life, people who were excited for me and gave me strength. It may sound trite, but I simply couldn't have done this alone. My Australian parents and sister who supported me fully, my former partner and his mum, my best friend of 15 years, friends from work and university studies, the school of philosophy community, my favourite yoga teacher who gave me some incense and a hug after my last class...

 An older adoptee, art therapist, and mentor wrote to me, "I have no doubt that it is such a wonderful thing that you are doing. It takes such courage and determination to forge your own true path and to live a life of personal integrity. Your destiny is a good one, an integrated one, I have no doubt."

 And my younger sister who handed me a letter at the airport, "You are - for always - my sister. My friend. My family. As you go on this journey to Korea, know that I am with you 100% of the way." 

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